Why am I here?
For most of my life, I have never really felt that I fit anywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I have many friends and acquaintances, and have been part of sports teams and drama productions, but I have always felt like I was on the edge of these different circles. Part of it might be that I am quite shy at first and more of a listener than a talker. The other part might be that I have a lot of different interests, but not a sole focus. Becoming a minister tends to exaggerate this feeling of standing out…but not always in a good way. When I officiate at a wedding or a funeral people often aren’t really sure how to talk to me. When I’m at a social gathering, the minute someone asks me what I do, I cringe a little, as I await their look of surprise when I tell them “I am a minister”. It has taken me years to get to the point of not letting these feelings and looks stop me from being myself. And truth be told, when I don’t over think this, and I am authentically myself, I have found that people respond well. It is like I’m breaking the mold and the assumptions about what it means to be a minister, a Christian, and a person of faith. People become curious and fascinated by my choices in life.
We have been reflecting on the question, “Why am I here?” in the month of September. It is such a good question and one that I have always loved to ruminate over. When I was a young adult in University I looked at the questions as a question of existence. Why am I here on earth? What is my purpose? But today, I am dialing it down to Why am I here at Robertson-Wesley? The easy answer is that I was called by God to serve Robertson-Wesley. With each passing year I take time to ask myself, what is God calling me to do? I think that this year I have been called to connection. I am here to connect Robertson-Wesley to the wider community, to each other, and most importantly to their faith and purpose. More and more I see opportunities to find a place for each person to share their gifts at R-W so that they can experience what it means to belong and be valued. Maybe my awkwardness or weirdness will help others feel more comfortable in this place. Maybe I can show people that there is more than one way to live our faith in the world and be Christian.
Maybe that is part of what belonging really means. It isn’t simply knowing that there is a chair for you in the room. It is knowing that your presence matters, that your gifts are needed, and that somehow the community is different because you are part of it. This Sunday in Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus tells a very short story about two sons. One says he will do what is asked of him, but doesn’t. The other says he won’t, but eventually changes his mind and goes. Jesus seems to be reminding us that who we are is revealed not simply by what we say, but by what we actually do.
That has me thinking about Robertson-Wesley. We can say that we value inclusive community, honest spirituality, and relationships that transform us—but integrity asks us to live those words. If we say people belong, then somehow people need to experience that belonging. If we say every person has gifts, then we need to make room for those gifts. If we say there are many ways to live faithfully, then we need to be curious about one another rather than expecting everyone to be the same. Maybe that is why I am here. Not to have all the answers. Not to make everyone fit. But to keep looking for connections, opening doors, asking questions, noticing gifts, and sometimes challenging the assumptions we have made about what church is supposed to look like. Perhaps the question “Why am I here?” eventually leads us to another question: “Now that I am here, what will I do with my place in this community?” Because belonging isn’t only about finding our place. Sometimes belonging is discovering that we have a part to play in helping someone else find theirs. Blessings, Rev. Karen