Have you ever had the experience of looking to someone in your time of need, only to end up with someone telling you what you should do, when really all you wanted was someone to listen? My years working with youth taught me the importance of being a listening presence and learning how to stand and walk WITH someone rather than standing up FOR someone. When we stand up for someone we risk making assumptions and speaking for someone without really understanding what they actually need. Even with the best intentions this can end in disappointment and resentment. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when we need to advocate on behalf of people, because sometimes love requires us to act for someone who cannot act for themselves. Like most things in life, both actions and words can be helpful or hurtful. What matters is taking the time to explore our intentions and motivations. We know that Jesus calls us to love one another unconditionally. Standing with someone requires us to act in love which means we need to recognize that the person we are offering kindness and love to has inherent wisdom, dignity, gifts, and a voice of their own.
What I have been reminded of several times this week is that standing with someone when done well means that even after many years the person will remember. Recently,I have had so many people reach out after a long time apart, and we have picked up almost exactly where we left off. I’m truly honoured by the trust that others place in me sharing what is deepest in their heart, and allowing me to be WITH them in these very vulnerable moments. These connections and reconnections are truly the spirit at work. Perhaps one of the reasons standing WITH someone is so powerful is that it requires vulnerability from both people. When we stand FOR someone, we can sometimes maintain a comfortable distance. We can offer advice, resources, or assistance without necessarily allowing ourselves to be affected by the relationship. But standing WITH someone asks something different of us. It invites us to listen, to question our assumptions, and perhaps even to change our understanding of the world.
This reminds me of one of my favourite biblical stories, the story of Ruth and Naomi. Naomi has experienced tremendous loss. Her husband and both her sons have died, and she decides to return to her homeland. She encourages her daughters-in-law to remain behind and rebuild their lives. But Ruth refuses to leave her. Ruth says, "Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge." (Ruth 1:16) In this story Ruth doesn't promise to make everything better. She doesn't offer Naomi a solution to her grief or uncertainty. Instead, she offers her presence. She chooses to walk alongside Naomi into an unknown future. And what unfolds is a relationship that transforms both their lives. Ruth's commitment provides Naomi with companionship and hope, while Naomi eventually helps Ruth find belonging and security in a new community. Neither woman has all the answers, and neither can make the journey alone.
Perhaps this is what it means to stand WITH someone. We recognize that love is not simply something we give to another person. It is something we discover together. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, when we listen without assuming we know best, we create space for the Spirit to work in ways we may never have imagined. What this story reminds us of, is that all we need to do is simply show up for one another, while trusting that in the giving and receiving of love, we will all be changed. One of the names we give Jesus is Emmanuel, meaning "God with us." And I don’t think it is a coincidence. This story shows us that God enters into the uncertainty, vulnerability, and beauty of human life alongside us. We are truly in relationship with God. I think that God is inviting us to embody that same presence in our relationships with one another. To listen, to accompany, to be willing to learn and be changed. This is what we mean when we proclaim “God is with us, we are not alone. Thanks be to God.” Blessings, Rev. Karen